Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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