I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
