They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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