those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
