I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
