The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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