Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
