it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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