I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
