Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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