I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
