There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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