walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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