woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
