break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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