there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
