My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
