My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
