When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
