what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
