Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
