Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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