dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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