someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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