you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
