Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
