In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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