Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
