my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
