sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
