So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
