Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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