the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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