I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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