I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
