dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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