he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
