At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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