Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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