drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
