I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
