I just pynch a tree in the face
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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