I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
