I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
