I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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