you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Enjoy the penises
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
