she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
