He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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