You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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