i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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