It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
