Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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