I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
