I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
