So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
