I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
