so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
