she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
