If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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