We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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