So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
