im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
