Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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