We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
