I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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